I Am Tired Of This Abusive Relationship… I Want Out
This is a pivotal point in your life. It’s normal for you to feel many kinds of feelings; fear, frustration, anger, confusion.
It is very important for you to realize that your future, even your life, may depend on what actions you take at this pivotal moment.
REMEMBER: You are not alone. There are many people ready to help and guide you through your experience.
To protect yourself from a potentially dangerous situation, you need a safety plan and critical contact numbers (hotlines, safe houses, police). Emergency resource links for domestic violence survivors are provided below.
Domestic violence is a serious crime, which often results in serious injury and even death. In the United States, battering is the major cause of injury to women aged 14-45, causing more injuries than auto accidents, muggings and rapes combined. One fifth of reported domestic violence assaults involved the use of a weapon. One half of reported domestic violence assaults result in serious bodily injury. In addition, almost 25% of pregnant women seeking prenatal care have been battered during pregnancy. Women are significantly more likely than men to be killed by an intimate partner. Of all female victims of homicide in the U.S., 30% are killed by husbands or boyfriends, a total of almost 1,400 women each year. In contrast, 4% of men are killed by intimates. (Finding safety and support-Domestic Violence, New York State office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, 1996, 2000).
Only you know when it's safe to share your situation or when you can ask for help. Keep in mind that your friends, may have your best interest in mind, but may not provide you with the best solution.
If you decide to remain in your home.
Identify people and places that you can receive help, i.e. the police, your church, hospital, school, your friend, neighbor, etc.
Teach children what to do, i.e. contact number of family members.
Have children memorize important telephone numbers.
Program your telephone with emergency numbers, i.e., police, neighbor, family member, and/or a friend.
Ask a neighbor to contact the police if they hear fighting or screaming.
Teach children various codes that they would use if you need them to make telephone calls to obtain assistance.
- If you're planning to leave your partner or have already left, be aware that batterers are often more violent during times of separation, increasing your risk for harm, including serious and life threatening injury. Making a separation safety plan can help reduce the risks to you and your children. (NYSCPDV- 1996-2000)
If you decide to leave home, have important papers/documents, keys and money where they can easily be obtained.
Practice how to get out safely. What stairwells, elevators, doors, fire escapes, would you use?
Where would you go if you decide to leave your home? Make a list of places you can go, i.e. domestic violence program, family member, friend, etc
Leave extra clothes for self and children, a set of keys, copies of papers and documents with someone you can trust.
Keep change for phone calls and important telephone numbers with you at all times.
- Birth Certificate for self and children
- Social Security Numbers for self and children
- Children's school/vaccination records.
- Keys for house/car.
- Public Assistance ID/Medicaid/Insurance cards
- Medication for self and children
- House deed, lease, and rental agreements.
- Bank book, checkbook, ATM card, money, Tax returns.
- Drivers License/care registration
- Insurance papers
- Work Permit, Green card, Passport
- Help is available
- Get Help - -
You will be provided with information, referrals, crisis counseling and/or a safe place.
- Immediate Danger - Call 911
National Domestic Violence Hotline
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)
Crime Victims Hotline: 1-866-689-HELP (4357)
Rape & Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-212-227-3000
TDD phone number for all hotlines: 1-866-604-5350